Secret to Having Good ADHD Relationships – Being Present

The first article on the topic of Having Good ADHD Relationships talked about how people habitually make incorrect assumptions about the intentions of others, often with dire consequences. The article shared what I’ve learned through the years about this phenomenon and how unconscious most of us are that we do it, how often we do it, and how many people we do it to. We talked about the case study of Maura and Jack whose relationship was on the rocks and were desperate for help as a result of years of misjudging each other. Luckily for them, they did get help in time and were able to turn their negative communication patterns around by being open to changing their unconscious assumption making.

The next secret to maintaining good ADHD relationships has to do with taking time to pay attention to each other if even for a few minutes. Giving partners, colleagues, friends or family members 5 minutes of your undivided attention once or twice a week has the capacity to maintain positively connected relationships which have fewer issues and breakdowns over time. This secret is probably the most rewarding, satisfying, joy producing, and confidence enhancing of all the secrets to maintaining healthy ADHD relationships, and yet the irony is that it also seems to be the most difficult one for most to do.

When my children were little, I remember asking my therapist how much time I should be spending with them. I was feeling guilty that as a working single mom, I was not giving them what they needed. I’ll never forget what she told me, “If you give each of your children 30 minutes of undivided time PER WEEK, they will thrive.” I couldn’t believe it! I laughed as I questioned her further. What I found out was that the trick or “secret” of her wisdom was the idea of “undivided” attention. Undivided attention is just that, undivided – no telephone, no door bell, no email, no dog walking, no TV watching, just completely focused on that child for the entire 30 minutes.

Although there were times when I was able to give my children more than 30 minutes of undivided attention, there were times when that was all I could give. The gift of knowing that was OK saved me a lot of suffering and guilt about not being a good mother.

The truth is that people are in the habit of constantly dividing their attention by choosing to multi-task, allowing a myriad of noises and distractions to surround them and their own undisciplined minds and thoughts – all preventing them from truly giving their attention to the person they are with. For example, why do people spend so much money on therapists and other professionals to listen to them? For sure to help them with their issues – but in truth, equally as much to have SOMEONE in their life who is willing to give them undivided attention and actually listen to what they are saying. As a society, we have traded quality time with each other for the desire to always be stimulated by outside factors.

People with ADHD are especially likely to chase the shiny penny and are stimulation-seeking missiles. Those with ADHD will need to make a concerted effort to get support in order to master the ability to give focused attention to the people in their lives so they are able to maintain good relationships. This is luckily something they can LEARN to do.

Secret # 2: Undivided Attention So how does one go about maintaining complete focus on the person they are with? Here are some potential strategies. Try a few and then go with the one or ones that work best. Don’t forget to give it several attempts or weeks before giving up and trying another approach. Like taking on any new habit or changing old habits, 5 to 7 weeks are the typical time it takes to establish the new habit.

Strategies for Being Present:

Try to find or create a non-distracting environment. At the very least, turn off the television, computer, blackberry or cell phone. Let the landline go to voicemail. Put the Do not Disturb sign up or go someplace quiet and out of the way.
Have conversations over meals. Eating together creates a pleasant and positive milieu making it easier to focus on the other person.
Make a mental plan to blot out distractions and practice with family and friends.
Ask for help. Let others know that you are aware most people no longer listen, really listen, to each other and it is your intention to change your behavior.
Remind yourself nothing is perfect and there will be times when you can be present and times when you cannot. Make it your mission to continuously improve.
Periodically evaluate your relationships and the positive difference that you see by focusing your attention with people. It’s important to see the benefits for you to know that it’s working.
As the founder and CEO of ADD Insights, LLC, Carol Gignoux’s passion is to provide services that transform the lives of people with ADHD. Carol is well established as an expert within the ADHD coaching profession with over 35 years experience working with ADHD and over 16 years coaching.

Carol is a national speaker on ADHD topics and a motivational speaker on living authentically. In addition to coaching her clients with ADHD, she trains and supervises new ADHD coaches, and creates seminars and workshops that show people how to achieve their full potential.

Prepare Yourself While Presenting Your Proposal to Take Flexible Work Arrangements

One of the most popular offerings in the United States is workplace flexibility for employees. It is a low-cost and low-barrier initiative that is successfully implemented among small to large companies. Even if an employer is taking his own sweet time to propose you flexible work arrangements, you can propose your flexible work options to make a balanced equation for both the sides.

Moreover, an employee has to look for a perfect way to discuss his proposal with the manager. One thing which he must remember is that wrong way of approach can lead his request to be overruled. There are many alternatives in which you can approach your manager but here under is one alternative that can work for you.

You can put your flexible work request in the form of a written proposal. This proposal will have details regarding the type and nature of your job and how will you be able to perform the assigned work under the new arrangement. You can highlight the bottom line benefits to your employer so that he cannot refuse your offer. You must also be prepared for objections and how to overrule them with satisfactory reasons.

Once you have submitted your proposal, you can arrange a meeting with your manager to discuss it personally. You must be well-reversed for your proposal presentation so that you can prove each point mentioned in your proposal. The rest of the decision will obviously be taken by your manager.

You have to be calm, patient and confident while presenting your idea of adopting flexible work arrangements. If your manager will be satisfied by your proposal, he will never force you to work against your wishes. So, prepare yourself well and go ahead to meet your request.

Get Acquainted With Southeast Asia As You Discover Her Capitals, Both Past and Present

Get a comprehensive insight into Southeast Asia. How to do this, you may ask? One such method is to visit its capitals. Not only is it a great way to experience each country’s culture but you’ll also get to live it up in each country’s biggest cities and most yearned sites. So, pack up and bring yourself to some of Southeast Asia’s capitals, both present and past.

First, we’ll jet you off to Bangkok, the hub for your Southeast Asia travel adventure. It is also a great place to start as the city is one of the world’s great metros, combining tall shimmering skyscrapers and glittering temples. You’ll visit the country’s most famous structures at the Grand Palace, a network of temples and traditional buildings which serves as the official residences of the Royal Family since the 18th century. Nearby Wat Pho, the birthplace of traditional Thai massage and home of a large reclining Buddha image will also be visited. The city is also open for recreational time. Be sure to enjoy Bangkok at leisure as well.

Prepare for a complete change of scenery! Let the laid back Lao atmosphere soothe you at Luang Prabang, Laos’ former capital. This UNESCO Heritage Town is known for its beautiful mix of temples, colonial structures, tree-lined streets and overall cleanliness. See it all on Phousi Hill during sunset before individually inspecting the town yourself. Yes, Luang Prabang feels more like a town than a city. While here, you’ll have the opportunity to cruise the Mekong and experience the Buddha-filled caves of Pak Ou and the majestic falls of Kuang Si.

From past to present, head to Vientiane, the current capital of Laos. Again, another town-like Lao city with the renowned Lao laid-backness sprinkled in. Stroll along the river and just soothe in the environment. Learn about the city’s history at the famed temples of Wat Sisaket and That Luang as well as through the capital’s quiet neighborhoods and local markets. You’ll also partake in a special Lao ceremony called the baci, which is deeply rooted in Lao history and culture (it was around even before Buddhism arrived in the country), giving you luck on your travels.

From capital to capital, you fly onwards to Phnom Penh for the Cambodian section of your Southeast Asia tour. Once called the Pearl of the East, you will venture through the tree-lined streets, explore temples and visit the Royal Palace, Wat Phnom and the National Museum.

A Cambodia trip wouldn’t be complete without a visit to Siem Reap and its Angkor temples. Yes, in case you were wondering, this is where Angkor Wat is. But this is just one many temples you’ll see. Some are even covered in jungle, just like how explorers first saw them. Vary your touring experience a little bit with an optional helicopter flight over Angkor Thom. We promise a spectacular and breathtaking experience.

Michael Jackson King of Pop: Past, Present, and Future

Michael Jackson – Pop music past present and future With all the change in pop music through the years there has been one constant name through 1966- 2010 and beyond. Michael Jackson “The King of Pop” amazingly has survived nearly 5 decades of music. His name has certainly been tainted through the last decade of court trials and tabloid magazines but his imprint on pop music will have an everlasting effect.

I don’t think the average music listener understands what “the gloved one” did to change the music scene as a whole and that is why I am writing this article. For example: Michael was the first to start singing his own background vocals on his albums. Before the hit record “Off the Wall” Motown had a union of backup singers that would sing on everyone’s albums. It turns out he was a genius because no backup singer would blend better with his voice than his own. He continued to push the envelope with creating his unique sound by stacking his vocals on everything from leads to harmonies.

It was said he would stack up to 50 vocal tracks on one song to create the overall sound of the final recording. The one thing that still stands yesterday, today and forever is Michael Jackson’s performance of “Billie Jean” on a 1983 television special produced by Suzanne de Passe for Motown Records, to commemorate Motown’s twenty-fifth year of existence. If you have not seen this ground breaking performance I urge you to visit and watch it! It is still one of the coolest things to see when Michael broke out the moonwalk for the very first time for all to witness the magic of this dance move. There was a collective gasp in the audience as MJ seemed to defy the laws of physics. The song and that moment is timeless and still gives me goose bumps today.

Michael did something else that night that was not done in Pop music before. As he stood in the spot light posed like a manikin with his Seagram’s jacket and high water pants while holding his James Dean hat with one diamond bedazzled white glove. Everyone was wondering where his band was. Michael Jackson once again had broke proto call and decided he could carry the show all by himself. There was no one else on stage but the magic of MJ. This had not been done before, not like this. He wrote history that night.

Michael was also the one who started to produce his own beats and turned music videos into a seismic epic event. Now that it is normal to stack vocals on recordings and perform without a band we forget who was the one who set the bar so hi. Today’s pop star still has a difficult time comparing to the glory days of “Off The Wall” and “Thriller”.

If you take a look at the documentary of “This is it” you will see the dynasty of Jackson was going to break ground again. Revolutionizing the way we would perceive live music with 3D cameras, light shows, and an interactive experience for the audience not to mention the electric outfits that were designed for Michael the tour he didn’t end up doing. In this case electric is not a figure of speech.

In my closing thoughts I would like to include this little piece of trivia concerning my all-time favorite song in M.J’s catalog “Billie Jean”. Did you know that Quincy Jones and Michael had some serious disagreements on the track? Quincy originally did not like the song and it was almost removed from the album? The tune was mixed 91 times by audio engineer Bruce Swedien before he finalized the song with the second mix. Let’s just say they explored their options and usually the first ideas are the best. Pop music is Michael Jackson past, present and future like it or not.